Dreams

Dreams. Not like goals and aspirations. The sleep kind.

I don't dream much. But when I do, man are they doozies! They are either super weird or they are so frustrating and stressful that I wake up with the emotions felt in the dream. What are your dreams like?

The other day I took an nap (shocker!) and the whole time I dreamt, drempt, dreamed (?idk!)...anyways, I was looking for someone and I couldn't find them and I was asking my husband questions and he kept giving me odd answers that had nothing to do with the question. I woke up so aggravated at him, lol!

Last night my dreams were crazy too! My mother-in-law, who is 58 i think, was pregnant....AND my sister-in-law was also pregnant! They were both having boys and were really excited about it. If you knew them...you would know that there is NO WAY either one of them would be remotely excited about that situation. So I had a really good laugh relaying their news to them, haha!

OK, so I pretty much just wanted to share that story with you. I don't know if i believe that dreams mean anything, but i have heard that if you dream about other pregnancies, that yours will be soon. It is definitely a nice thought. :)

Hope you are having a great day, wherever you are.

Smiles,

Kim

3 Month Update

So it has certainly been a while since the last post. I just had the 3 month follow up appointment since the PCOS diagnosis. Mostly everything seems better. It was a really rough first month adjusting to the new meds and all. My weight is down 11 pounds, not as good as I should have had, but it's still progress.

Speaking of weight, I have started a new weight challenge with some friends called "Road To October". In other words "get this weight off asap before the weddings are here!" :) My goal is 30 pounds. My doctor has made this a "corporate goal" between her and I so that at my next 3 month visit I will be down in weight and we can talk about fertility medication.

A lot has changed at home in the last 3 months as well. We have 5+ extra people living in our house now. My brother-in-law and his family are now living with us. They had to move suddenly from Ft. Lauderdale for circumstances out of their control. It's a packed crazy household most of the time. I don't mind it quite as much as my husband (he being such a loner) but my sister-in-law is pregnant and due next month (hence the "+").  I have seriously mixed feelings about it, which is to be expected i think.

On one hand, hurray for them and hurray there will be a newborn in my home for me to hug and kiss and hold and take a gagillion photos of. On the other hand, I really wanted for us to be the one with a newborn in this home. I don't really feel jealous about it which surprises me a little. My in-laws are not currently in their ideal living situation and it's not very comfortable not living in your own home, especially with 4 (almost) kids. So I really can't be jealous of what they are having to deal with right now.

So as we try to get them on their own up here in Gainesville, I will continue to work towards my weight loss goals and health goals and family goals.



Smiles,

Kim





BTW, China adoption has been on my heart for almost 15 years now but for some reason it has come to the forefront of my brain quite a bit lately. Please pray with me about this. I know that we have a goal of this in the future but I am starting to think that we need to get this started sooner than expected.

Good and Bad (FYI: Real Talk Ahead...i.e. TMI)

Did you read the post heading? Consider yourself warned.

Do you want the good news first or the bad news first? If you are like me then you want to hear the good news first because usually the bad out weighs the good, so if i hear it first, then i can enjoy it for a minute. Well you don't get to choose. They are one in the same today.

I have been dealing with health issues lately. Lately, as in the last 2.5 months. I have not been feeling myself. I have been fatigued a lot. I have been bleeding, as in my cycle, said 2.5 months. (told you, TMI) I called my doctor after 3 weeks of dealing with this, and hoping it was just because of my irregularity issues, and was scheduled for an Ultrasound. I had really hoped my first ultrasound would have been due to a baby and not the opposite of a baby.

Finally after 6 weeks of dealing with this, I went for the ultrasound. I was so scared that I was going to be told that I was unable to have children for any one of numerous reasons they were going to find. My doctor saw that I had tons of follicles (little cysts) covering my ovaries. Then she told me I was diagnosed with PCOS: Poly-Cystic Ovary Syndrome.

"Polycystic ovary syndrome is a condition in which there is an imbalance of a woman's female sex hormones. This hormone imbalance may cause changes in the menstrual cycle, skin changes, small cysts in the ovaries, trouble getting pregnant, and other problems."

I have what?! It's a hormonal problem? I have been dealing with this my whole life and that won't change? This is part of the reason for my weight issues and the reason for my infertility?!? I can manage it with meds and healthy living? I can still have children (once everything has been controlled)??!! ....

...sorry, just letting you in on my brain rant.

So, bad...and good. 

So I have been put on Metformin, and birth control (for a short period of time) to "calm the ovaries down" as my doc said. But here is the sitch: the medication can make your digestive tract feel bad (and it has) and I have dealt with some serious pain from "passing the cysts". And the bleeding hasn't completely stopped. 

I have more doc visits in the near future and I don't like having to pop pills everyday.

But... 

God knows what He's doing with me. I have hope of my system getting regulated and being able to bear children. And honestly...that's REALLY GOOD news.

I ask that you pray for me through all of this. Let me know if you or someone you know deals with this same thing. I would love to talk more about what to expect in the future.

Ta Ta For Now~ Kim

Bound to break an ankle, for sure.

Struggle is an everyday occurrence. Struggle is necessary for growth. Struggle can be overcome.  Struggle makes you stronger. Struggle is a royal pain in the posterior!

Seriously.

I know all the sayings. “No pain, no gain.” Or “if it’s not difficult, it’s not worth it.” I don’t think that one was right but, whatevs. Blah.blah.blah.

I promise this is not a ranting post, or at least it won’t end as one. J

I have been struggling lately.

I am no acrobat and it’s obvious with the lack of skill in my juggling act.

 When I toss everything in the air not everything lands on the ground but I have been missing some pretty heavy items. For instance, my Weight Watchers tracking has slacked. My workout routine hasn’t been much of a routine lately. I’m getting better at keeping up with my Bible time (yes preacher’s wives struggle with this too).

It seems that when I get in a hurry, those “cannonballs” are the first to drop. And if I don’t pick them up and put them back into the rotation, I know that I will wind up stubbing my toes on them as I try to maintain the rest of the show. (got that mental picture didn’t you?)

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My act is a good one though, I assure you. Where I lack in death-defying feats I make up for with color in all the excuses I make for myself. I’m quite good at keeping those multi-hued hankies floating in the air for sure. “Do it tomorrow.” “It’s no big deal this time.” “I have to finish ____ first.”

Alas, the show must go on under this Big Top!

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I will be practicing my juggling despite the failures that may happen.

I’m not going to let self or other discouragement get me down. I may be a clown, but I refuse to be that sad clown with the painted on tears. 

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And one day, I will rise in the ranks from the fumbling clown to the high-flying trapeze girl, feathered costume and all!

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So struggle on, just make sure you don’t stop!

Feeling Young

You know what I realized today?

I was thinking about my age and how I don’t feel like I am almost 30. I am dreading leaving my 20’s, btw. I still feel like I am 23. I wish!

But I feel that way because everyone around me is aging like I am too.

 I really only feel older when the kids I remember being so small, now tower over me in their high-school bodies.

Some times I feel like I am getting old, that my time is running out to have children. But then I realized that even if I am not able to have my own or adopt until I am 35+, I won’t feel 35. I will feel way younger and I know this is true, cuz I am working on being healthy!

Anyways, that put a smile on my face today. J

Over and out. Kim.

More Than Enough

I was at a church a couple of weeks ago and during the Praise & Worship time, the song “Enough” was sung. I don’t know if you have heard this song or not (you should go listen to it now) but it has always been one that I loved. I can’t help but sing out in this song, partly because it’s in my vocal range :] , and mostly because it speaks to my heart.

Sometimes I have a difficult time being content. I am happy with my life for the most part but happiness comes and goes depending on what circumstance I am dealing with. So, I am working on being content. How is that different you ask? Well, like I said, happiness can change but contentment is unchanging and is something that comes in knowing Christ. It doesn’t change whenever times are rough. Contentment allows you to handle whatever situation comes your way, without feeling like the world is crashing down on you. My problem is that I will get lost in my circumstance and need to be reminded of how blessed my life is.

So, I’m singing this song and tears start to flow (hey, I can’t help it. I’m an emotional individual). It’s amazing how God speaks to you right when you need it. My desire and ache to have children sometimes overpowers my contentment but “Enough” brings me right back to how very much I have been given and how very blessed I am. And even if my life was to resemble that of Job’s, Christ is more than enough for me. Always will be.

This is my mantra (is that the right word?) for this year. More than enough.


Here are the lyrics: (listen to Barlow Girl’s version, it’s my fave.)


Enough

[Written by Chris Tomlin and Louie Giglio]

All of You is more than enough for
All of me for every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You
Is more than enough

You are my supply
My breath of life
Still more awesome than I know
You are my reward
Worth living for
Still more awesome than I know

Cuz All of you is more than enough for all of me
for every thirst and every need
you satisfy me with your love
and all I have in you is more than enough

You're my sacrifice of greatest price
Still more awesome than I know
You're my coming King You're everything
Still more awesome than I know

All of you is more than enough for all of me
for every thirst and every need
you satisfy me with your love
and all I have in you

All of you is more than enough for all of me
for every thirst and every need
you satisfy me with your love
and all I have in you is more than enough

Your enough, your enough, your enough for me
your enough, your enough, your enough for me
your enough, your enough, your enough for me